I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
