I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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