oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
