I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
