Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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