i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
