Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
