Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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