hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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