Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
