Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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