Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
