sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
