Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
