Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Someone signed my nipple.
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