this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
