Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
