Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
tell me about the eggs
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