Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
