wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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