I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
