I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
