i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need moral support for this bender
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
