she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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