Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He passed out mid-signature
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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