I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Someone shit on the floor
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Less talking, more tequila
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
