so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize