After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
