i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
