Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
