just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
