I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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