Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
