I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize