Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
