a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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