you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
