she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
