There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
