So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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