How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
