So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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