1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
