Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
