Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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