I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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