can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
