He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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