well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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