Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
