No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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