it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
