He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
