i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
