So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
