You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
