Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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