i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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