How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
